A man and his wife enter a dentist's office.
The wife says "I need a tooth pulled.
No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," says the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
(A bear-faced lyre!)
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
What did the blonde’s right leg say to her left leg?
Nothing, they’ve never met!
A brunnette and a red haid were riding in the front of a pickup truck the blonde was in the back.
The truck crashed into the lake and the redhead and the brunnette made it to shore quickly but it took the blonde ten min.
They asked when she got there, "What took so long"?
The blonde replied, " I had to get the tailgate open".
Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!
What does a frog say when it sees something' great?
Toadly awesome!
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good.
The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany.
The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England."
"Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery.
Can you tell me when this took place?"
"Certainly," the man replies.
"About three minutes ago."
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Vote:
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.