How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch ’n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It’s not very bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk.
So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.
They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door:
"Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
A blond was taking a shower and her husband called in and asked "did you find the new dry hair shampoo I picked up for you?"
And the blond replied "yes but there's a problem I already got my hair wet"
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere.
He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother.
'You should be on the radio,' said his brother.
'You think I'm that good?'
'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
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Chuck Norris' sweat is used to disinfect operating rooms.
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Italy looks like a boot... you know who owns that boot.
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