In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars.
An owl enters a psychologist's office.
The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy.
The next night, a cat comes in.
He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy.
The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl.
The cat is told to wait outside.
He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address!
During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in.
The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl.
The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining,
"I was sent to deliver him."
A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
Yo mama is so stupid, she did her dad last night.
So a jew, a homosexual and a black man walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Get the fuck out!"
Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?
A: Booger King!!!
A man and his wife enter a dentist's office.
The wife says "I need a tooth pulled.
No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," says the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
(A bear-faced lyre!)
A brunnette and a red haid were riding in the front of a pickup truck the blonde was in the back.
The truck crashed into the lake and the redhead and the brunnette made it to shore quickly but it took the blonde ten min.
They asked when she got there, "What took so long"?
The blonde replied, " I had to get the tailgate open".
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
What did the blonde’s right leg say to her left leg?
Nothing, they’ve never met!