Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Chuck Norris can rotate text in MS Paint.
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.