Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.
Q: How do the makers of Celebrex celebrate? A: Fuck if I know
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
Chuck Norris can rotate text in MS Paint.
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"