Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
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has 79.65 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
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has 79.64 % from 1203 votes. More jokes about: birthday, love, sex, wife
The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
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has 79.64 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
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has 79.64 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married". So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
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has 79.64 % from 2378 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money, sex
On the Internet you can be anything you want. It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
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has 79.64 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: internet, life, stupid
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
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has 79.63 % from 809 votes. More jokes about: accountant, nerd, sex
Little Mary came back home after school and said, "Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!" The mother asked indignantly but in surprise, "And how did this happen?" "It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
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has 79.63 % from 318 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, school
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences: The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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has 79.63 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: golf, management, science, sport
"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it." "How is that a good deed?" "He is now living in a flat."
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has 79.63 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: life
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