Best jokes ever

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
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has 79.79 % from 1347 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
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has 79.79 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so fat when she went to the circus the little girl asked if she could ride the elephant.
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has 79.79 % from 983 votes. More jokes about: elephant, fat, Yo mama
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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has 79.78 % from 423 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, little Johnny, teacher, wine
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
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has 79.77 % from 620 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, money, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. Chuck Norris decides where he is.
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
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has 79.75 % from 651 votes. More jokes about: sex
How do you get an old lady to swear? Get the old lady sitting next to her to shout bingo!
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: game, old people
A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?" The priest replied, "Only water, officer." The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?" The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."
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has 79.75 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: cop, driving, god, priest, wine
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