A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
I'm a wine enthusiast.
The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.
Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Dont get excited. Im late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"
His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Q: Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there is a Target on every corner.
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
Why don't black people go on cruises?
They already fell for that shit once before.
Seventy-five-year-old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Women's Day.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life.
He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.
Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has.
Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it.
He'll wait in the kitchen.
His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before.
She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination.
She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all.
So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.
She calls out: "Marvin, come out to the hallway and look."
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims: "All that money and they didn't even iron it?!"
Vote:
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.