Best jokes ever

Little Mary came back home after school and said, "Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!" The mother asked indignantly but in surprise, "And how did this happen?" "It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
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has 79.88 % from 333 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, school
A couple have just had sex. The woman says, ‘If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?’ The man takes off his condom, ties a knot in it, and flushes it down the toilet. ‘Well,’ he says. ‘If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.’
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has 79.88 % from 602 votes. More jokes about: sex
The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
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has 79.87 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Received a call from a recruitment lady. She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you." Me: "Yes I Know." *Awkward silence* She: "Asshole" Me: "I prefer the other one."
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has 79.87 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: dirty, work
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
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has 79.87 % from 495 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
Your mamma is so fat when she steps on the scales it says one at a time please.
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has 79.86 % from 1138 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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has 79.85 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, life, pirate
Teacher: How old is your father? Johnny: As old as I am. Teacher: How is it possible? Little Johnny: He became father only after I was born.
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has 79.85 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: age, little Johnny, teacher
Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell. He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building. Superman thinks, "This is my chance!" He swoops down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says,"What the hell was that!?" The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, "I have no idea but it hurt like hell!"
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has 79.85 % from 1054 votes. More jokes about: sex
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
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has 79.85 % from 633 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
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