Best jokes ever

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
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has 78.84 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
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has 78.81 % from 352 votes. More jokes about: geography, military, priest, sex, war
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, but he still managed to walk it off.
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has 78.81 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary, with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
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has 78.81 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Your mama so ugly, when she went to a stripping club, they paid her to keep her clothes on.
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has 78.81 % from 1451 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Her wedding cake.
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has 78.81 % from 1313 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage, sex, wedding
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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has 78.81 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
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has 78.80 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
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has 78.80 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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has 78.80 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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