Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: "We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget."
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Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax.
Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you cant move.
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water.
Are you scared of water?
Well you should be.
400,000 people drown per year.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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Q: What's an actuary?
A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness."
Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
I could never fight a gay guy.
I don't know how to start.
"I'm gonna beat your ass...
I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.
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Q: Why was the blonde late for work?
A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.