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Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
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A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."
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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
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More jokes about: old people
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
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More jokes about: men
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
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More jokes about: wife, women
Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway? A: Because its underground.
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Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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More jokes about: animal, bird, time
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence." Me: "You mean... the period?" Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
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More jokes about: communication, customer service, stupid, work
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
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More jokes about: men
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding