Best jokes ever

A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn"t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: "I spit in my beer." When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer too!"
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
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More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.” The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer. Again the bartender says,”I’m sorry, sir…but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink!” Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer. Again, the bartender says to the man…”I’m really sorry, sir, but you’ve had too much to drink…you’re going to have to leave!” The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, “My God, man… How many bars do you work at?!”
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, drunk
Yo mamma is so fat, she got hit by a car and said: Who threw that rock???
Vote: has 78.75 % from 740 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
What did the Asian parents name their retarded baby. Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 78.72 % from 729 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, racist
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
Vote: has 78.71 % from 278 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Vote: has 78.69 % from 257 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher
A customer comes into the computer store. I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"
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More jokes about: computer, customer service, game, IT
Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times." The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and f*uck the cat."
Vote: has 78.68 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
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More jokes about: car, cop, women