Best jokes ever

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food, priest
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!" The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!" Later, the stranger yells out to them again. Again, the husband yells back and corrects him. This happens several times during the stranger's shift. Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower. His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach. The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
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has 78.76 % from 625 votes. More jokes about: desert island, flirt, husband, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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has 78.76 % from 200 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A: A sunken chest with no booty!
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has 78.76 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, pirate
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 78.75 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
A customer comes into the computer store. I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"
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has 78.75 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: computer, customer service, game, IT
A woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Would you like to buy some?’ ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman. ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’
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has 78.75 % from 680 votes. More jokes about: sex
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
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has 78.75 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start. "I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
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has 78.73 % from 1136 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, sex
What do you call an Asian billionare. Cha Ching.
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has 78.73 % from 1185 votes. More jokes about: money, racist
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