Best jokes ever

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
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has 78.54 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, wife
Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club. "We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith. "Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: husband, old people
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: women
Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.
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has 78.53 % from 1047 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”
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has 78.52 % from 433 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, fart, food
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 78.50 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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has 78.50 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 78.50 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
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