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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
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More jokes about: old people
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
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More jokes about: men
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
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More jokes about: wife, women
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
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More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway? A: Because its underground.
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Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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More jokes about: animal, bird, time
Yo mamma so fat she walked into the upside down and it immediately turn right side up-
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence." Me: "You mean... the period?" Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
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More jokes about: communication, customer service, stupid, work
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
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More jokes about: men
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding