Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."
Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?"
Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
Always borrow money from a pessimist.
He won't expect it back.
If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?
Vote:
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.
"Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
Vote:
My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses.
She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice!
A police officer pulled a young woman over for speeding and politely asked to see her license.
"Why don't you cops get your act together," she said in a huff.
"Yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"