Best jokes ever

One evening, Little Johnny, his brother Little Jimmy, and their father, Big Jimmy John, sat down to eat supper. Big Jimmy John turned to Little Jimmy and asked, "Little Jimmy, what would you like to eat first?" To this Little Jimmy replied, "I want some of them fuckin' peas." In a flash, Big Jimmy John slapped the shit out Little Jimmy. "Now what did you want to eat first Jimmy?" asked his father. I want some of them fuckin' peas," said Jimmy. Big Jimmy John then back handed Little Jimmy clean out of his chair and half way across the room. Little Jimmy shook it off and promptly returned to the table where his father once again asked, "Little Jimmy, now what would you like to eat?" Once again Little Jimmy responded, "I want some of them fuckin' peas!" Furiously, Big Jimmy John snapped, savagely beatting Little Jimmy, leaving him bleeding and unconcious on the kitchen floor. Returning to the table, short of breathe, and trying to regain his composure, Big Jimmy John turned to his other son Little Johnny and calmly asked,"Well Little Johnny, just what would you like to eat first?" Little Johnny, glancing at his brother on the floor, turned back to his father and quickely exclaimed, "Well you can bet your sweet ass, it ain't none of them Fuckin' Peas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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More jokes about: little Johnny
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
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More jokes about: dirty, sex
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!" The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"
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More jokes about: dirty
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice Doggy", until your sniper gets the range.
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More jokes about: military
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain...the snake died.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
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More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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More jokes about: disgusting
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
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More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer