Best jokes ever

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
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More jokes about: life, sex
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
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More jokes about: dirty, time, weather
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school." "How much special?" "Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
Vote: has 78.18 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.18 % from 441 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
Vote: has 78.16 % from 676 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Vote: has 78.16 % from 396 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
Film makers are smart enough NOT to make a Chuck Norris movie in 3D.
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, life, women
Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
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More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist