Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest. Cecil ask, "What you doing?"" Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest. Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
Teacher: How old is your father? Johnny: As old as I am. Teacher: How is it possible? Little Johnny: He became father only after I was born.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob. The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick" The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Maths teacher: "If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Priya, 3 to Sonia and 2 to Penny then what will you get?" "3 new Girlfriends!"
God made each and everyone of us until he got to China. Copy paste...copy paste...
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."