How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Yo mama is so ugly, she couldn't join an ugly contest, because was treated as a professional.
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest. Cecil ask, "What you doing?"" Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest. Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you." Patient: "It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry."
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow? A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends: 1st: How your girlfriend look like? 2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours? 1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.