Best jokes ever

The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
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has 78.31 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, prison, time
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 78.31 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
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has 78.30 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, nurse
Clark Kent had to call himself "Superman" because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.
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has 78.29 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...
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has 78.27 % from 1256 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q: Why did the blonde climb on to the roof? A: Someone told her the drinks were on the house.
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has 78.26 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: blonde
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
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has 78.26 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, political
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
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has 78.26 % from 517 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option." "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!" "That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it!" "What about the PC?" "It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys," "Which three?" "Control, Alt and Delete."
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has 78.25 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, life, vulgar
A road construction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde. "You haven't been painting as much road as you did on the first day," the manager said. "What's the problem?" "I'd be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!"
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has 78.23 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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