Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.