Best jokes ever

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 77.28 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
There is this guy and he wants to marry a girl but he is bad at choosing girls so he has a contest. First one to get as many ping pong balls as they can is my wife. The first girl brings back a whole bucket of them. the guy goes good, good. The 2 girl brings back a truck load of ping pong balls. He says, "Wow that will be hard to beat." Then the 3 girl comes back all bloody and bruised and is holding 2 big bloody things. The guy says, "What are those, I said ping pong balls." "Oh,"Says the 3 girl, "I thought you said King Kong's balls."
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has 77.27 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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has 77.26 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny
In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. "Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks." "I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied." Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. "What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room. "Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." "Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic." "I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?" "Jesus, Son of Mary." "Where was he born?" "In a stable." "And why was he born in a stable?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
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has 77.26 % from 835 votes. More jokes about: god, jewish, racist, time, winter
A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack. "Three rabbits," Jed said. The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits." So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit." Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license." So Jed showed him. Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits." So Jed pulled out another rabbit. Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's bunghole, tasted it and said, "This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license." So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?" So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"
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has 77.25 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
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has 77.25 % from 413 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
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has 77.25 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, relationship, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
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has 77.24 % from 303 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!
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has 77.23 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money, sex
How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
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has 77.23 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb
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