Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
The sun is Chuck Norris's pocket flashlight.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Chuck Norris does not cleanse himself with your everyday shower. He uses Meteor Showers.