When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
Students in the class (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) When teacher say tomorrow will be exam (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O)(O_O) During the exam (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) (→_→)(←_←) When monitor comes in (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) In the end of the exam (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏)
Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow? A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.