Best jokes ever

If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, programmer
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
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has 76.88 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: flirt, love
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
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has 76.88 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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has 76.87 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, church, life, time, wife
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: 1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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has 76.87 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: bird, friendship, life, winter
When Chuck Norris gets pulled over he read the officers his rights.
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has 76.86 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.
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has 76.86 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
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has 76.85 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: black humor, music
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
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has 76.85 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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