Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
I'm so tired of racial stereotypes.
Not every Arab makes bombs...some of them make Slurpees.
I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day.
It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in."
So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
Vote:
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
What's an extroverted IT professional?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.
Vote:
There is this guy and he wants to marry a girl but he is bad at choosing girls so he has a contest.
First one to get as many ping pong balls as they can is my wife.
The first girl brings back a whole bucket of them. the guy goes good, good.
The 2 girl brings back a truck load of ping pong balls. He says, "Wow that will be hard to beat."
Then the 3 girl comes back all bloody and bruised and is holding 2 big bloody things.
The guy says, "What are those, I said ping pong balls."
"Oh,"Says the 3 girl, "I thought you said King Kong's balls."
Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
Vote:
A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?"
The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"