Yo mama is so stupid, she returned a doughnut cause it had a hole in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?"
Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote:
You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."
Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:
Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread"
Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!"
Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
Vote:
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
If Chuck Norris was in a video game it would be called Immortal Kombat.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can remember the future.
Vote:
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
A snail and a slug got in a crash.
When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened.
He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"