Best jokes ever

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 76.78 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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has 76.77 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
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has 76.77 % from 325 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant? I hope it's not mine.
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has 76.75 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
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has 76.73 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, prison, women
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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has 76.73 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, life
There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookies. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry, "JONNY HUMPER HARDER!" Little Jonny yells, "I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!"
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has 76.70 % from 546 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
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