Best jokes ever

A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down." The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: men
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: old people
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?" The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: cop
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 1207 votes. More jokes about: asian, insulting, racist, travel, war
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 330 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother: “What did you learn today?” Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
Vote:
has 76.78 % from 488 votes. More jokes about: school
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Vote:
has 76.78 % from 580 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vote:
has 76.77 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
<<<199200201202
More jokes →
Page 199 of 1428.