Best jokes ever

I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
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has 77.05 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at eight o'clock I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at seven o'clock sharp I urinate. Every morning at eight o'clock I move my bowels. Every morning at nine o'clock sharp I wake up."
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: old people
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out. After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...". The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: doctor, old people, women
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.
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has 77.03 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: insulting, single, technology, ugly
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
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has 77.02 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: family, nerd
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