A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you're up all night.
I'm so tired of racial stereotypes. Not every Arab makes bombs...some of them make Slurpees.
A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing." Wife says, "I dont want to go." Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t. Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared." Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the intenet to be worldwide.
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!