A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once spelled the entire alphabet using only M&Ms.
An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a marine joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a marine. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
Three seconds after Chuck Norris was shot, the bullet came out screaming.
It's a proven fact that you will go blind faster staring at a picture of Chuck Norris than you would staring at the sun.
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
The world won't end in 2012, it will end when Chuck Norris gets bored of it.
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
Chuck Norris is danger's middle name.