A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified.
She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course.
Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
Vote:
A woman walks into her sex thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it?
The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick.
She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens.
The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever.
She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills?
The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before.
She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills?
The therapist once again tells her to give it a try.
The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better.
She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle?
The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person.
The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee.
A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiot” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra?"
"Why yes young man I did?"
"Why?"
"Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex?
A: When his wife's out of town.
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
An Atheist dies in a car crash and wakes up in a big dark room with a sign above a single door: "Welcome to Hell!"
"Shit! So the Shavelings were right after all!" the Atheist thinks, opens the door – and is stunned by the view!
A marvelous beach!
Crystal blue water, white sand, palm trees, the sun is shining and all around there are people laughing, having fun and listening to happy music or enjoying excellent food and drinks.rnLucifer, dressed in a Hawaiian Shirt, greets the Atheist, hands him a fantastic- looking cocktail and says cheerfully:
"Hey! Welcome to Hell. Have a drink, have a snack. Take a look around and enjoy yourself! See you later!"
Totally speechless at first, the Atheist finally starts to take a look around, is greeted everywhere, listens to people´s stories about their mortal lives and takes a stroll down the beach.
After a few minutes into the walk, he starts hearing cries of pain, wailing, shouts, and screams and decides to follow that noises.
Finally, the Atheist arrives at the rim of a big, black hole, takes a look down and is scared to the bone!
Down there, the place is all fire, sulfur, brimstone!
Rivers of lava, gnarled trees, and among it all the lost souls, being tormented forever by demons and devils.
"Whoa! Take it easy!"
Lucifer jumps right in to prevent the Atheist from falling into that pit and he stumbles backward, drops into the sand and stammers:
"Wha... what the HELL is that place?"
Lucifer looks down, shrugs and says: "Oh, that´s the Catholic´s department. They want it that way."
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
He buys a pack and shows his wife.
‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’
‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man.
‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife.
‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.