Best jokes ever

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
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has 75.76 % from 387 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, women
I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?
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has 75.75 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A blonde tried to shoot herself!
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has 75.73 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: blonde
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
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has 75.73 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: bar, coding, geek, IT, nerd
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
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has 75.72 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, drunk, party, wife
What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
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has 75.72 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, time
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
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has 75.72 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, divorce, sport
When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up.
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has 75.72 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
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has 75.72 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: bird, fart, fat, Yo mama
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex. Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!" Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?" To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!" So the second old man rushed to the store. The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?" "Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon. "That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked. Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
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has 75.72 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: sex
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