Best jokes ever

Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.
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Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.
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Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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I was eating and enjoying my food when a man entered into the restaurant where i was eating with a brief case. I guess he is a politician cause his dressing and pot belly portrays it. He walked and sat down as every body looked at him. Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. The woman knelt down and told him that her children die of hunger since her husband died. This man opened the brief case and gave this woman five thousand dollars. The woman jumped up and left the scene in happiness. I was still watching when another man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and begged him that he need a money to establish a business. This man brought out three hundred thousand dollars cheque and gave it to this man. This time, i started murmuring and practicing on the lie i will blow to have my own national cake. I started crying and came to the man. Immediately i knelt down, I heard "Cut! cut! cut!". I turned and saw the laughing director of the movie. Shame almost killed me.
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More jokes about: food, money, political
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a policeman." "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
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Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris? A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
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Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
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Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, military, Yo mama
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris