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Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
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Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
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Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
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Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
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Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
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