Best jokes ever

Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them. George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon". Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, political, sex
Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.
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has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 76.19 % from 934 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, sex
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife : Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!! What happened, did you run out of toilet paper? No, restart the router, please!
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has 76.17 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: IT, wife
A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you." "This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your cunt." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!" Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."
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has 76.17 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?” The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.” The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!” The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?” The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.” To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”
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has 76.16 % from 215 votes. More jokes about: bird, marriage, school, teacher, work
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
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has 76.16 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, catholic, church, drunk
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
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has 76.15 % from 1130 votes. More jokes about: asian, insulting, racist, travel, war
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