Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Chuck Norris uses black holes to clean his dishes.
When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can dodge rain.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"