Best jokes ever

Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1. Crimes 2. Accidents 3. Marriages Need I say more?
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: car, marriage
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket. The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll go home."
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wife
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
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has 75.91 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 75.90 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife
God made each and everyone of us until he got to China. Copy paste...copy paste...
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has 75.90 % from 2366 votes. More jokes about: asian, god, racist
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 75.90 % from 585 votes. More jokes about: kids
One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear." Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!" The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear." The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
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has 75.90 % from 367 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, math, school
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?" "Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, sex, wife
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?" "You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, stupid, travel
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