Best jokes ever

Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.
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Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.
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Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a policeman." "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
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A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
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Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
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Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
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More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
Hardest job in the world: police sketch artist in China.
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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More jokes about: masturbation, sex