little Johnny: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
little Johnny: Well, you could try.
A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep f*ck me that much even after marriage?
He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets.
He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?"
"How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father.
"That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
Yo mama so fat she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.