Best jokes ever

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
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has 75.88 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."
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has 75.86 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
During a war warrior shouted against 3 ladies Warrior: I am going to r*pe you all. Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother. Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.
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has 75.85 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job. Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"
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has 75.85 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: school
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
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has 75.84 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
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has 75.84 % from 375 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
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has 75.84 % from 526 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sport, Yo mama
What's the problem with an Asian pet store? There's always a kitchen in the back.
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has 75.83 % from 244 votes. More jokes about: racist
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