Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know what one came first.
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex. Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!" Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?" To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!" So the second old man rushed to the store. The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?" "Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon. "That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked. Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"