A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
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One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious; "What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?"
"You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!"
The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?"
And Bob, with a stupid smile on his face: "School? What school?"
Why dont mexicans cross the border in groups of 3's?
Cuz the signs at the border say no Trespassing.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows it's never been done.
Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
- A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
- You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
- You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.
- You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
- You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long.
- No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
- Coffee doesn't talk to you.
- Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise.
- Coffee stains are easier to remove.
- Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less.
- When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away.
- When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat.
- Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas.
The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down."
The man is incredulous and asks why.
The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?"
I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?"
He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
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