What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A slow poke.
Chuck Norris writes on pencils with paper.
Vote:
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
Vote:
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister.
The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming.
She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed.
Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.
"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable.
I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation.
Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do.
So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
I like my women how I like my laptop.
Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
Vote:
Two friends:
Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment.
Do you want to come?
Of course! How many people are coming?
Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood?
A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.