Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
A new army computer is put through its paces.
An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’
The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A slow poke.
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.
Chuck Norris writes on pencils with paper.
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I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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