Best jokes ever

By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
Vote:
has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, Fathers day, life
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
Vote:
has 75.65 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
Vote:
has 75.64 % from 296 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems
Q: What's Mexicans favorite video game. A: Borderlands.
Vote:
has 75.64 % from 609 votes. More jokes about: game, mexican, racist
Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands. Now they are pregnant.
Vote:
has 75.64 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, travel
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex. Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!" Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?" To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!" So the second old man rushed to the store. The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?" "Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon. "That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked. Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
Vote:
has 75.64 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: sex
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
Vote:
has 75.63 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, health
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Vote:
has 75.63 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, hunting, math, nerd
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog. One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?" The man yells back, "About a half mile from town." Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer." The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?" The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, travel
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? A: You can't hear a vitamin.
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
<<<224225226227
More jokes →
Page 224 of 1427.