Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?"
"I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get impregnated," answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?"
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I think it's really best left with the bulls."
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"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!"
The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine.
So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.
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A man is on a plane.
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?”
The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?”
“Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
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One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious; "What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?"
"You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!"
The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?"
And Bob, with a stupid smile on his face: "School? What school?"
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?"
Me: "Drunk"
Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
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