There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."
The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"
The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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I like my women how I like my laptop.
Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Two friends:
Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment.
Do you want to come?
Of course! How many people are coming?
Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
Why dont mexicans cross the border in groups of 3's?
Cuz the signs at the border say no Trespassing.
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off.
A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.
The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ."
"OK, alright" the guy responds.
"Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii.
I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."
This pisses the genie off.
He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."
"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ."
"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women."
The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
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Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
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