Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know what one came first.