Best jokes ever

Life is like a box of chocolate. It doesn't last long for fat people.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. "S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, disgusting, money, priest
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought starbucks are money in space.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, stupid, Yo mama
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop
Yo Mama is so skinny, every time she hiccups she does a backflip.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Vote: has 75.38 % from 992 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Vote: has 75.35 % from 1427 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him. He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick. "And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief, "I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
Vote: has 75.34 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, food, money
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
Vote: has 75.33 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, women