Best jokes ever

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.
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has 75.38 % from 542 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, game, life
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
Yo mama's so fat when she sat on a tree it made paper.
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has 75.37 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
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has 75.37 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, divorce, sport
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
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has 75.36 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, horse, money
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
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has 75.35 % from 550 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, money
Someone asked me how I view Lesbian relationships. Apparently, "in HD" wasn't the correct answer.
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has 75.34 % from 769 votes. More jokes about: lesbian
Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'" Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
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has 75.34 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher
Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.
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has 75.34 % from 2620 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, sport
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