Best jokes ever

The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
Vote:
has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: family, political, time, women, work
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
Vote:
has 75.28 % from 544 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, money
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: men
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, hipster
A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing." Wife says, "I dont want to go." Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t. Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat? A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Q: What do you call a redneck virgin? A: A 7 year old that can run faster than her brothers.
Vote:
has 75.26 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: age, racist, redneck
<<<233234235236
More jokes →
Page 233 of 1426.