Best jokes ever

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: men
A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat
Yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out the basement window.
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has 75.26 % from 548 votes. More jokes about: stupid, Yo mama
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please stand up!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he’s the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don’t know what we’re voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, heaven
Q: Why did God invent yeast infection? A: So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying c*nt.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: women
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: men
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
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has 75.25 % from 552 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, money
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