Best jokes ever

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
Vote:
has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, women
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
Vote:
has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: family, political, time, women, work
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, hipster
A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women. His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them. Great says his mate, what is it! Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: men
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing." Wife says, "I dont want to go." Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t. Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: cop, driving, stupid
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat? A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
Vote:
has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
<<<233234235236
More jokes →
Page 233 of 1425.