Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks. So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about the contest. The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free beer on the house. So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing! EEEHHH! He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of beer. As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?" The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career." So the next night. The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse: Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free beer from the house. The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one." The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something. The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying. When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says." Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?" The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my penis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."
A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort. The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill. He stopped indignant there and told to the child: "You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do." "I told them, sir." "Well, what did they reply?" "Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
A neutron walks into a bar. "Id like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.