In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another.
But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order.
So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did…
After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife:
"You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband…
The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation.
“You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah
“I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.
They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon.
They notice she isn't wearing any panties.
"Is it cooler without panties?" they ask.
She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
Vote:
Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Answer: Ten minutes of silence.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Vote:
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen.
The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom.
Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence.
All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers.
The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace.
He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine.
The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed.
The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished.
"Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick?
A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
New generic drug replacement for Viagra – it's called Mycoxaflopin.
Why do black people go to the Liberty Bell?
They heard there was some crack in it.
Vote:
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.