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One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Q: Why do cops arrest black people?
A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
Vote:
What job do rabbits at hotels have?
Bellhop.
What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.