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How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back.
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone?
It was out of odor!
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
Why are cows made for dancing?
They re all born hoofers.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny.
"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.
The same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger.
"I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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