Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses? A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’ Boy: ‘I’m not. I’m just holding it. It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’