A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding.
He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans?
Throw a peso over a cliff.
How do you kill 10,000 more?
Tell them nobody got it.
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
Q: Why are native Americans effective strippers?
A: When they dance they make it rain.
I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?
A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea pot.
She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you."
The boy said "That's good."
Mum said "However I already have a tea pot."
The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."
Anthony Weiner got in trouble with his Hispanic online name "Carlos Danger".
He is now using a French online name, "Jacques Ouef".
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Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1. Crimes
2. Accidents
3. Marriages
Need I say more?
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
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