Best jokes ever

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.  After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour." Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?" Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.  The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?" Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.  Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man." Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.  Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?" Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil." So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
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More jokes about: desert island, game, relationship, sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"
Vote: has 75.67 % from 215 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, god, insulting, Yo mama
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Vote: has 75.66 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
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More jokes about: insulting, single, ugly
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
Vote: has 75.66 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, science, Yo mama
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
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More jokes about: blonde
The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer. “Wait’ll my family finds out.” “Where’s your family?” “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
Vote: has 75.66 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
Vote: has 75.65 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, husband, insulting, Yo mama
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 75.63 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, racist