Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? Yes, honey, three times. When was the first time? Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you? And finally the head of the department took care of you? Thank you darling, you saved my life. And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time? Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes?
Yo mama is so fat, she needs two Facebook accounts for her profile picture.
Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.