Best jokes ever

A senior Catholic Priest in Kenya was dying in a hospital and for his death wish he asked to see the local MP and the county Governor. Within hours, the two arrived. He asked them to sit on either side of the bed. The priest held their hands and kept quiet. The politicians were so touched and at the same time felt very important for being summoned by a senior and well respected priest in his dying moment. Out of anxiety, the Governor asked, 'But why did ask for me and Mheshimiwa?' The priest gathered all his strength and held their hands even tighter. Then with his eyes still closed, he mumbled 'Jesus died between two thieves. My only wish is to die the same way.' Minutes later as the silence enveloped the hospital room, the priest took his last breath.
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has 74.78 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: catholic, god, hospital, life, priest
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, programmer
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: athlete, music, sport
A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model. ‘You crafty old devil,’ says his friend. ‘How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?’ ‘Easy,’ replies the millionaire. ‘I told her I was 95.’
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: Why did God create alcohol? A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: music, teacher
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, chocolate, stupid
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That’s the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: kids
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck." The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
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has 74.75 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, stupid
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