Two black men are walking down the street.
They pass a shop that advertises "Be White For a Day! Ninety-nine cents!"
The two guys decide to try it out and they look to see how much money they have.
One guy has a dollar bill, and the other guy has exactly ninety-eight cents.
They decide that the first guy will go in with the dollar, get his change and then give it to the second guy so he can go in.
Problem solved.
The first guy goes in, and after a few minutes, he comes out with white skin, kakhi slacks, a polo, and a golf cap.
They laugh and admire his new race for a minute.
Then the second guy says, "How about that penny?"
The first guy yells, "GET A JOB!"
Q: Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?
A: He thought he was melting.
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
Vote:
At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night.
The speaker was a missionary who told about his work.
I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all.
So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story.
But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician?
A Labracadabrador!
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
Two blond girls are discussing:
"Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!"
"Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."