Two black men are walking down the street.
They pass a shop that advertises "Be White For a Day! Ninety-nine cents!"
The two guys decide to try it out and they look to see how much money they have.
One guy has a dollar bill, and the other guy has exactly ninety-eight cents.
They decide that the first guy will go in with the dollar, get his change and then give it to the second guy so he can go in.
Problem solved.
The first guy goes in, and after a few minutes, he comes out with white skin, kakhi slacks, a polo, and a golf cap.
They laugh and admire his new race for a minute.
Then the second guy says, "How about that penny?"
The first guy yells, "GET A JOB!"
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds:
"Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks."
The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"
The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?"
The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
Vote:
Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary, with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Vote:
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school.
I saw a dead body."
Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
Vote:
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."