"Siri, why am I still single?"
Siri activates front camera.
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When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
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Yo mama's so fat when she sat on a tree it made paper.
One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven.
So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes.
The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley.
Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "yeah, so" and the third guy said " she was riding a skateboard."
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts...
Man, and do you have life?
OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
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Natalie, a pretty but distraught blonde model, took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded.
"It's gotten so that every time a man takes me out, I wind up in bed with him. And then afterward I feel guilty and depressed all day long."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist.
"And you want me to strengthen your will power."
"Heavens, NO!" exclaimed the model.
"I want you to fix it so I don't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
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I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, but he still managed to walk it off.
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Q: Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?
A: He thought he was melting.