Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding.
He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician?
A Labracadabrador!
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
Two blond girls are discussing:
"Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!"
"Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."
An artist, a lawyer, and a programmer are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties.
It can lead to guilt, divorce and bankruptcy.
The programmer says, ‘It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
My wife thinks I’m with my mistress.
My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!’
Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
Davie Jones is afraid of Chuck Norris' Locker.
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My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology."
So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!"
Then I disconnected his life support.
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