Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties. Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb. There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb. So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb. Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?" The boy looks back and says "who? me?" The man says "yes." The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker." The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker." The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
Yo' Mama's so fat, her scale reads "Game Over."
Chuck Norris didn't survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
A guy and a girl are lying in a room after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin." The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" "Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity." Astounded, the girl replies,"So you really love me?" "Oh God no!", the guy says."I just got sick of waiting."
Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.