It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
Chuck Norris pitties Mr. T.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once. That stone is now known as The Death Star.
Chuck Norris owns the gold color at the end of the rainbow.
"Between a rock and a hard place" refers to Chuck Norris' fists.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
Chuck Norris is the reason why there's only one airbender left.
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."