Jeff Bezos has invested $42 million to build a huge 500-foot tall underground clock that ticks once per year for 10,000 years.
He did this because he overheard his wife talking to a friend, he thought she said she wished he had a larger clock...
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..."
The man shook his head.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?"
The man shook his head again angrily.
"Sorry... a worm?"
The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.
"Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises?
Or do they just smash it into their faces?
Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
Vote:
Yo Momma so fat, she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake.
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.