Best jokes ever

My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff. Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!" She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman." He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: men
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: athlete, music, sport
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.” “Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.” A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!” “I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!” “That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?" Patient: "What pills?"
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, memory
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math
A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
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has 74.14 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
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has 74.13 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
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has 74.12 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Someone once broke into Chuck Norris' house and instead of stealing anything they gave Chuck Norris everything they owned.
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has 74.09 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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