3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
Chuck Norris doesnt' walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...