Best jokes ever

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. He buys a pack and shows his wife. ‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife. ‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
Vote: has 74.03 % from 235 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Yo mamma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
Vote: has 74.03 % from 158 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Vote: has 74.02 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, life, sex
The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?" Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."
Vote: has 74.02 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
More gay banter... Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started discussing them. The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture. The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari. The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house. The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. But he must be doing something right because,just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!
Vote: has 74.02 % from 323 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Vote: has 74.02 % from 323 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, elephant, food, sex
How does a black woman know when she's pregnant? When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.
Vote: has 74.01 % from 410 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Vote: has 74.00 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, sex, work
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Vote: has 73.98 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, dad, lawyer, school
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him. He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"
Vote: has 73.95 % from 405 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, racist, school, teacher, white people