CNN tells about every disaster around the world. CNN is actually Chuck Norris News.
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Bruce Wayne first tried wearing a Chuck Norris mask to inspire fear, until he saw himself in the mirror. He immediately changed to the Batman
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
There is no backspace button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Your mama is so stupid she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"