Best jokes ever

In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness. After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, work
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, music, women
Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity? I just can't seem to put it down.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, science
A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: IT
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!" He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
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has 73.44 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, wife
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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has 73.44 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, little Johnny, teacher
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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has 73.44 % from 401 votes. More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
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