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Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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Q: Where does a snowman keep his money? A: In a snow bank.
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Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
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Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
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Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
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More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
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