The teacher asked Willy, "If you have seven cookies and Billy asks you for three, how many cookies have been left with you?" Willy immediately answered, "Seven!"
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. FATHER: What's that? TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife what's up. "Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.