You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
Chuck Norris doesn't use OFF! Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says: "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies: "150 dollars!" The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner: "Have you seen that UPS driver? I asked him to wait here for me!"
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.