Best jokes ever

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.30 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
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has 74.29 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, horse, money
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
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has 74.29 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, school
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
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has 74.28 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
A guy and his wife went to an expensive golf course. He said to his wife, "Be careful of the expensive houses around us. I don't know if we can afford to break a window." His wife tees off and breaks the biggest window of the most expensive looking house. He said, "Oh no! We had better go ask how much it's gonna be." So he and his wife go up to the house and see the door open. They went inside and saw the golf ball lying next to a broken glass bottle. A man walks up and says, "Thank you!" The husband said, "I'm sorry about the..." And the man interrupts, "Oh don't worry about the window. I have to thank you for getting me out of the bottle. You see, I'm a genie. So you get one wish and your wife gets one, but, in return, you have to give me one." The husband asks for $100 million. The genie says, "Done." The wife asks for 80 exotic sports cars. Genie says, "Done." "Now, my wish is to have sex with your wife because, you know, I've been trapped in that bottle for so long." They agreed since their extravagant wishes had been granted. And so the genie has sex with the man's wife, not just once but many times. When they're done, the genie asks the wife, "How old is your husband?" She answers, "33." And, the man said, "And he still believes in genies?"
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: age, genie, golf, marriage, money
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: love, relationship, single
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
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has 74.27 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: age, death, school
Rappers are like the pens at the bank. They all have chains on them, and don't write very well.
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has 74.27 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: music, racist
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
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has 74.24 % from 501 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
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